The Long Night
by Renee Shepard
Summary: This FanFic is my interpretation of the Citadel DLC meet-up between Kaidan and my FemShep. I wanted to EXPAND a little on what Bioware gave me. There is some similar dialogue in some parts of this FanFic that has been twisted with my own imagination. My goal is to introduce my FemShep and also share my imagination with this scene. Enjoy! Cover Art by Al Fletcher @feedonatreefrog
1. Invited Up

"See you, Shepard."

Vega finally left after his "workout session." Shepard could hardly breathe from the attempt of beating Vega's record of 182 pull-ups. _Damned youthful vigor. _

That beeping-sound was annoying. Not as annoying as getting your ship and identity taken away from you, but it was still annoying. Shepard walked across the kitchen to check her private terminal sitting on the desk. The green light was flashing, indicating a new message. A few in fact. Scrolling down the list of messages, Shepard scanned through the subjects. Always looked for the most interesting one first.

**Subject: Let's go out and be normal people.** _Huh._

She assumed it was probably the LT. She clicked on it. Priorities.

**From: Kaidan**

**You know what you need, Shepard? You need a night where you get to just hang out and try to be normal for a few hours. Let's get something to eat. After that, we could go down the strip or whatever you want. Let me know.**

Shepard sighed relaxing her shoulders and held her head up. A smile brushed across her face.

_A night of relaxation? Could use one of those. Especially with...him._

Ignoring the rest of the messages, she exited out of her Inbox and immediately called his Omnitool. Connection loading...connection successful.

"Shepard, hey!"

"Hey! Got your message. You want to come up? I'm free."

"Oh yeah! I'll be up."

"Cool. See you in a-"

Connection lost. He had never been so quick to respond or end a call before. It left Shepard in an awkward silence and all she could do was giggle.

* * *

"Hey Shepard! I'm starving! What do you got?"

He started walking towards her in the kitchen.

"We're heading out, Kaidan."

"We'll just end up back here anyway. Am I right?"

Shepard rolled her eyes and before she could respond, Kaidan leaned forward and grabbed her by the waist. His lips gently pressed against hers. She felt a warm energy flow through her body but its intensity died when he let go. Redness crept up subtly onto her cheeks but she looked at the ground to try and hide it. Kaidan walked passed her and brushed his shoulder against hers, making her lose balance a little bit. He walked to the fridge on the left but turned around and rested his elbows on the island in the middle of the kitchen.

"Trust me. Let me impress you."

"Oh no, really?"

"C'mon!"

He lightly laughed. A smile slowly formed on Shepard's face.

"So you just want me to sit here and watch you cook?"

"You're not watching me cook. You're helping me drink beer. Now sit your ass down!"

That's when Shepard couldn't help but grin from ear to ear. Kaidan had never made her dinner before. Wasn't even aware that he was capable of cooking; at least to the extent of him impressing her. He was scrambling with the pots and pans in the cabinet of the island. All of the loud clanking noises made Shepard cup her hand to her face and giggle.

"So, what are we having? Canadian delicacy of some sort?"

He laughed, opening two bottles of beer from the fridge.

"Uhh...sure. Exactly. We've got uh beef, we have bacon, and uh beer. The foods of my people."

They clinked bottles.

"Wish me luck."

"Uhuh."

Kaidan took out a sharp knife and started smashing garlic using the flat sides. His hands seemed to be gracefully flying over the cutting board. In a way, it was mesmerizing. Shepard's eyes followed wherever his hands flew, occasionally sneaking a peek at his face and smiling.

She had wished there were more moments like this. Moments of being...together. Happy. Normal.

"You like to cook Shepard?"

"I'm no chef. But I can cook food. And I usually enjoy it when I do."

"Ha. Is there anything you're not good at?"

A smirk smeared across his face when he looked up at Shepard. It seemed like a read-between-the-lines moment to her. She laughed. Kaidan's unique humor always made her smile even in the worst of times. No one has ever made her smile and laugh like he does.

"Is there anything I can do for you...Chef?"

"Hehe. Well there is...one thing."

She walked around the island to where he was standing and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Hmm?"

"You can relax and look beautiful for me over there."

He pointed to a barstool pulled up next to the end of the island.

"C'mon!"

"Okay. If you want to do something, why don't you go upstairs, clean yourself up, put on something nice, and fulfill my assignment for you?"

She glared at him jokingly as she unraveled her arms from his neck slowly. With an attitude, she replied, "Fine."

Shepard stomped dramatically out of the kitchen and up the stairs to her bedroom. The closet wasn't filled with much. Being part of the Alliance didn't require you to be very fashionable but she did have a few suitable dresses to wear. She grabbed the red dress and walked out of the closet to change. As she was leaving, she noticed a pair of black stilettos on the floor.

_Where the hell did those come from?_ she thought. _Oh whatever._

She grabbed them and started unzipping her hoodie. It was a relief to take those clothes off. She didn't like wearing dresses but the one thing she hated more was wearing the same outfit every day. She climbed into the tight-fit dress and put on the mysterious shoes that came from nowhere. Somehow they were a perfect fit. _Weird._

She walked into the bathroom to look at herself in the mirror. Her make-up was still simple. Just the way she always had it and her hair was still in a bun. Kaidan had always told her to wear her hair down for once, although she never had the opportunity to do so. Shepard moved her hands on her head softly to find the pins that held it up, pulling them all out which let her hair fell down her back. The long, brown locks of hair were perfectly waved and lustrous. She grabbed a brush out of the top drawer and stroked her hair until she could run her fingers through it with ease.

Along with her own physical appearance apparent in the mirror, she felt herself staring into her past. The decisions, the regrets...everything that she had done to get to where she was: standing in front of a mirror, smelling the aroma of herbs, and pampering for her night with Kaidan. She always thought about those two years she was dead; how heartbroken Kaidan must've been. Hell, she could hardly last without him during the few weeks he was out before the coup attempt. She couldn't help but think: _Why the hell would I allow all of this to happen?_

Catching onto reality and nodding her head in approval of herself, she walked out of the room and down the stairs. One thing's for sure: Kaidan was making steak and potatoes. Shepard could smell the pepper and potatoes from upstairs. She held onto the railing of the staircase so she wouldn't trip on her high-heels. As she walked down the second flight of stairs, Kaidan looked up. He was holding a pan in his hand and a spoon in the other. His mouth was opened but no sound was uttering passed his lips. Shepard walked carefully into the kitchen and smiled. Kaidan's mouth: still opened.

"Hi."

"What? Never seen a girl in a dress before, lieutenant?"

"Well of course but my C.O.?"

"How formal."

"My...commander-girlfriend?"

"Haha. I took you with me to the Casino Party."

"Yeah but you didn't- your hair wasn't- where'd those shoes- Wow."

There was a second of pause before Kaidan said something.

"You look...um..."

He carefully laid down the pan and spoon on the stove and grabbed a towel to wipe his hands as she walked closer towards him. He grabbed her hands dangling at her sides and held them in his. Her hands escaped his grasp and rested on his chest as she looked up into his eyes.

"How'd I do?" she asked.

"My god...you're beautiful."

He ran his fingers through her long hair for the first time. She got lost into his dark eyes. All she could see was the first time he came up to her room on the SR-1. He had a similar look in his eyes that night. "Uh...you're burning the garlic."

He jumped and turned back to face the stove.

"Damn it! Sorry..._something_ was distracting me."

"What?"

Shepard imitated his same smirk.

"I wonder..."

He looked up at her and winked. She rolled her eyes.

"Ha. Go sit down. I'll serve you."

"Okay but first where's my beer?"

"Oh no. I understand you like beer, Shepard, but with our dinner...we'll be drinking wine."

"How classy."

She sat down at the table.

"And don't worry. I've got chocolates."


	2. Last Dance

Shepard cut into the steak with her knife. It was the perfect amount of red and pink in the middle. Just how she liked it. She cut a small piece and picked it up with her fork. As she was about to take her first bite, she realized that Kaidan was staring at her. He was sitting down right next to her. "Uh...?"

"Try it."

She put her fork in her mouth and chewed.

"Oh my god..."

Her mouth was full and her eyes were big. He laughed and leaned back in his chair. He picked up his fork and knife and began digging into his own plate.

"My dear..."

She picked up her wineglass and gestured it towards him, indicating that she wanted some. "That steak is amazing."

"Haha. I'm glad."

He smiled and poured some red wine into her glass. Shepard took a few sips and started gorging on the potatoes and steak like she hadn't eaten in years.

"You ok?"

"I'm really hungry."

"I figured. When's the last time you even ate?"

"James made eggs the other day. Was it Monday? No Tuesday? Wait-"

"Seriously, Shepard? No wonder you're so hungry!"

"Eh. I've got a war to deal with. Food's overrated anyway."

He squinted his eyes and gave her a dirty look. Shepard just smiled at him.

"Uhuh. You could sure use a couple plates of steak and potatoes."

He took a huge bite of mashed potatoes. Shepard couldn't stop drinking the wine. Couldn't even remember the last time she had wine. The different flavors of fruit danced on her tongue. She let it sit in her mouth for a little bit and closed her eyes every sip, imagining bursts of light and colors. She swallowed.

"So Kaidan, where did u learn to cook this fabulous steak?"

"Believe it or not, classes at Jump Zero. Young biotics who couldn't cook for themselves risked starving."

Shepard read deep sorrow in his face. Kaidan was always one to express his emotions on his face. The sides of his mouth fell slightly into a frown.

"Well based on what I've eaten tonight, you must've done a hell of a job. All the other kids should've been jealous."

She lightly smiled. She didn't want to allow him to depress her for the long night ahead of them.

"Hehehe...well, I did have some rough competition but, I survived. A few nights were a little harder than others but, again I survived."

She stared at him in a way that told him she didn't believe him at all. "C'mon, Shepard! I wasn't cooking steak every night!"

They both laughed. She felt as if she hadn't laughed sincerely in months. Maybe even years. She also was trying to get used to her hair being down. She never wore it down ever since she joined the Alliance military. Regulations rubbed off on her...apart from her relationship with Kaidan of course.

Twenty minutes later, they were still sitting at the table sipping on the last of the wine and eating chocolates.

"Chocolate?"

Shepard put her hand out in front of Kaidan beckoning for more. He picked one up.

"Okay, now lets try chocolate, wine, and then steak."

"In pretty sure we've tried that combination already. But whatever."

She ate the chocolate, drank the wine, and took a bite of steak.

"Oh my god..."

She dramatically threw her back against the chair. The flavors were bursting like fireworks. Wine was already starting to kick in making Shepard laugh and take everything seriously. At least..._certain things._

"You should put on some music, Kaidan! Anderson has filled that stereo system with quite a few songs."

"Haha. Okay."

He walked to the stereo system next to the fireplace which was now ablaze. He pressed the buttons randomly looking for a song to play. Jazz. Techno. Old-school rock. Then, a slow piano piece started to play. It sounded like a very old classic. Shepard was well-educated in her music history. She always found it interesting when growing up.

"Traumerei," she whispered to herself.

"What?"

"Traumerei by Robert Schumann." She spoke a little louder.

"You know it?"

"Of course. It's a classic."

She stood up and walked towards Kaidan. Her footsteps were slow, masking the melody of the song. She put both her hands against his chest and gradually wrapped her arms around his neck. He put his hands on her hips, one on each side. They swayed together wherever the music took them. Their eyes never left sight of each others as they moved beautifully, holding onto one another. His fingers crept up her spine tracing the zipper down her back. It was silent for a moment until Shepard started speaking.

"Schumann wrote this as part of Opus 15. Late 1830s I believe. He wrote it as an adult who reminisced his childhood."

"Almost like how I always remember the good times we shared."

The corners of both their mouths curved up. Shepard couldn't help but blush.

"Yeah. It's been...quite a few years, hasn't it?"

"Yeah." He paused. "It has. All of those times we had..."

There was a long bit of silence between them. All you could hear was the sound of the piano and their breathing. Shepard broke the silence.

"You say that like its the end. Like this is the last time we will ever have."

Her words were the product of bitterness. She looked down at his chest letting go of his neck. The smile had fainted away. She started to sniffle a little but tried to hide it.

"Hey, hey." Kaidan's voice was soothing.

"Ssssshhhhhh." He embraced her softly but in a way, held her tightly against him. He bowed his head and kissed the top of hers. Her eyes watered but she refrained from letting any tears pass.

"Shepard..." He sighed and carefully lifted her head up off his chest with his hand.

"This is not the end. And as a matter of fact, when this is all over, I will meet you back here and we will dance to this...Traumerei...just like this. Again. Together."

Shepard was quiet. She knew that chances were slim. But she also knew that Kaidan would be there for her until the end of it.

"We- I can only hope."

She rested her head back onto his chest and they continued swaying with the music.


	3. Trust

When the song finished, Shepard struggled out of Kaidan's grasp and crossed her arms like she was hugging herself. They hadn't spoken a word to each other ever since she brought up to mind the word "hope."

Kaidan let out a huge sigh.

"Shepard! You know what you need?"

"Another drink?"

"No. You need to actually sit back and relax. Or maybe..."

"What?"

He squinted his eyes and gave her that smirk. She read his eyes but couldn't decipher exactly what he was thinking.

"Oh no."

He grabbed her hand and ran up stairs as fast as he could. Shepard tried her best to keep up without tripping in her heels. They made it to the top of the stairs. Kaidan stopped once he reached the last step and turned around to face Shepard.

"Kaidan, what the he-"

Kaidan lifted her up and carried her like a baby with her arms clinging around his neck.

"Well, okay then."

He carried her through the hallway and into her bedroom. He entered into the bathroom and gently set her feet on the ground so she could stand. "What's goi- Oh..."

She figured out his intentions when she made realization about what was in front of her: the hot tub.

"Oh no."

"C'mon."

Kaidan started pulling off his shirt.

"Uh...okay!"

She started taking off her heels and threw them onto the floor without caring. She started to pull her hair up but she was interrupted by Kaidan as he grabbed her and started unzipping her dress. She pulled off the dress and threw it onto the floor next to her heels. They both slowly went into the hot tub. Steam was ascending from the surface of the water because of how hot it was. Shepard sat down with Kaidan right next to her. He stretched his arm and rested it behind her. He tried pulling her towards him and once she got the signal, she snuggled in closer.

"Feels nice."

"I know."

"This is probably the best idea you've ever had."

He laughed softly.

"Yeah, I know. And just to think, we're not even done with the night yet."

He kissed her on the forehead.

"Uhuh."

She was so lost in his eyes that she didn't even realize that the edges of her hair were getting wet from the water.

She was trying to forget about what she said when they were dancing. He was right to keep a hopeful attitude. She should have never said what she said.

"You know, Kaidan, I never repaid you."

"For what?"

"Being dead for two years."

"What? Why would you have to 'repay' me?"

"Because you had to live two whole years thinking I was dead. I read your letter after Horizon, Kaidan. I know how you felt. And it was wrong for me to put you through that. And for that, I am sorry."

"Shepard, you have nothing to be sorry for. Everything you said was right. It was me who wasn't listening. It's not your fault that you died and it wasn't your fault that you didn't contact me. I understand. Cerberus put up bars. It's fine."

"No Kaidan. It's not fine. How could you say it was fine for you to think for 26 months that I was dead? You can't. You said it yourself on Horizon."

"Shepard..." He sighed. "It's over with. Leave the past in the past. Let's just enjoy what we have right here, right now. Just you and me."

"Just you and me, huh?"

She leaned in closer.

"Yep."

"Well in that case..."

Shepard leaned in and nudged her nose against his. She climbed onto his lap, one leg on each side. She put both of her hands on the sides of his face and kissed him. His hands quickly touched her back. Her kisses passed down his neck. He stood up in the hot tub with her legs wrapped around him and carried her out. He let her stand on the tile floor of the bathroom once he was out of the water. She felt her back touch the wall of the bathroom as he lightly pushed her and kissed her on my lips. He stepped away.

"Here."

He handed her a towel and a silk robe.

"Thanks."

He grabbed a towel for himself and started drying his abdomen. She dried her body and then put on the robe. The robe only covered her torso and the top half of her thighs but it was too comfortable to take off. She walked into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed, stroking her fingers through her hair. He sat behind her and started massaging her back. "Mmm. That feels really good."

"Good. Relax. Just this once."

He kneaded her back softly with his hands. As he massaged, Shepard didn't say anything. She just closed her eyes, relaxed, and occasionally took a deep breath. After a few minutes, he started slowing down a little bit. He moved his hands up her neck and down her shoulders uncovering some of her skin from the robe. He leaned forward and softly kissed where her neck and shoulders met. His lips traveled down her shoulder as one of his hands pulled the robe as he went. She reached her hand behind her and touched the side of his face. He grabbed her hand and their fingers intertwined with each other. She opened her eyes and turned her head back and kissed him. She turned her body around to face him and curled up with her legs locked around his waist. His body felt really warm and comforting against hers. Her hands laced around his neck and through his hair as she continued to kiss him. He finally said something.

"Hi."

She giggled a little.

"Hi."

He lifted her off the bed a little bit just so he could lay her on her back on the bed. He started to untie her robe and crawl back on top of her. All she could do was lay still.

He kissed her neck and held her body in his arms as Shepard entangled her fingers in his hair.

* * *

"What time is it?"

Shepard and Kaidan were laying on the bed, the sheets twisting around their bare legs and torsos. She rested her head on his shoulder that wrapped around a her body.

"Ha. Does it matter that much, Shepard?"

"Is it wrong to be curious?"

"I guess not."

She pushed her body towards his and pulled his neck down with her hand to kiss him.

"Mmm..." She tried to let go to take a breath but he quickly gave her another kiss.

"Shepard?"

"Yes?"

"I was thinking..."

"Oh no."

"No! Hehehe it's not a bad thing! I was just thinking about how I have never met anyone who ever was like you. Not even close. I mean- ugh- Rahna was pretty and all but...she was nothing compared to you."

Shepard could tell he was uncomfortable about bringing Rahna up at this moment. He had always been nervous mentioning her name even let alone comparing her to Shepard. He sat up.

"There is something that you have that she never did."

Shepard pulled herself up and supported her torso with one arm while the other held the sheet over her chest.

"What's that?"

"Trust." He paused. "She never trusted me with my biotics...especially after what happened to Vyrnnus."

He turned to look at Shepard. He raised his hand to her face and brushed the back of his hand on her cheek.

"Not once did I ever sense fear in you. Even if I was a little...different."

She stared into his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. She whispered, "I never had reason to."

"If that's the case, there's just one thing..."

He pushed her hair with his hand and put it behind her ear. He held her neck gently and leaned in, lightly touching his lips with hers. She started to let herself fall back onto the bed until her head hit the pillow. Their skin touched as he snuggled closer to hers supporting himself with his arms. He pulled his head away and stared directly into her eyes. She saw a lot of regret and remorse in his large brown eyes.

"Do you trust me?"

She took her arms one by one and wrapped them around his neck pulling him closer so that their noses touched.

"More than anyone."

"Then close your eyes and hold still."

His whispers were very calming. She closed her eyes just as he had told her to. He closed his eyes at the same time and focused. He snuck his hands behind her back and embraced her. He held his breath as he focused. Finally, after a few moments, he opened his eyes and started to take a couple breaths. Shepard began to feel a slight tingle all over her body but with her eyes closed, she was oblivious.

"Open your eyes."

She opened her eyes and around her was a thin blue layer of radiation that illuminated off of her body. He had created some sort of biotic field around her body and his.

"Oh my god! How- how- how'd you?"

"I don't know! Huh."

The tingle was relaxing and subtle. How he was able to do that she couldn't figure out but somehow he was able to form a harmless field around her body. She started to move her head back and forth and slowly unraveling her arms.

"Try and hold still, Shepard."

"Right."

She repositioned herself back to how she was before. He closed his eyes again and focused. All of the sudden, the field somehow exerted energy from her body like how a biotic would initiate the use of his or hers. It was overbearing for Shepard. The exertion was powerful. She let out a small cry and held on tightly to Kaidan. He set her head comfortably back onto the pillow and pulled himself off of her body. He turned on his side and stared at her.

"Shepard, are you okay?"

"Whoa...that was so..."

"How did it feel?"

"It was relaxing and in a way, tranquilizing."

Her eyes were big and her body was still in shock of the temporary affects from the field.

"Why- why did you want to do that?"

"Because..." He sighed and put his hand on her waist, twisting it towards him so that she would face him. "Because I...I love you."

Her eyes began to sparkle and a smile started to form on her face.

"You trusted me. You believed in your heart that I wouldn't hurt you. You believed...in me." He stopped speaking for a second. "Everyone has always been afraid. Yet, you held complete faith in me. Why?"

Their eyes met again.

"Because."

She gave him a quick kiss.

"I love you too."


	4. Never Let Go

Their bodies lay bare on the bed, both entangled in the white sheets. Kaidan opened his eyes and turned on his side facing her. The sheet wrapped around Shepard's torso but left her back and right arm uncovered. She was lying on her left side curled up with her knees near her chest. She snored softly and Kaidan smiled. He touched his hand onto her shoulder and brushed his fingers down her spine. Her body seemed to radiate with warmth. She started to move and lifted her head up. She shifted her body to face him.

"Hi again."

"Hehe hi."

She cuddled closer and put her hands on his chest. She kissed his neck and continued up the temple of his head. Kaidan put both of his arms around her torso.

"How'd you sleep?"

"Best sleep I've had in months."

"Ha. I'm glad."

Shepard looked in his eyes. She raised her fingers and slowly traced them around his face. She didn't want to forget this moment with him. She didn't want to think about how he was alone for two whole years. She just wanted to cherish every bit she could. Kaidan grabbed her hand with his own.

"Stop that."

"What?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Shepard, stop. What's wrong?"

"I just..." She took a deep breath and pulled her hands out of his grasp. She sat up with her back against the headboard of the bed. She bent her knees to her chest and buried her head between them. "I just..." She whispered softer.

Tears started falling down her cheeks. She couldn't help but to whimper and sniffle a little. Kaidan pulled himself next to her and leaned his back against the headboard. He rubbed his hand on her bare back and pulled her closer to him. "Sssshhhh." His hands were warm and comforting. She lifted her head and wiped her face with one hand.

"I just can't help but think that this will never happen again. Any bit of it. I don't want to believe it but somehow I do. It eats away at me when I don't want it to."

"Shepard..." Her eyes started watering and a tear streamed down her cheek. He caressed her face with his hand and wiped the tear with his thumb.

"If anyone can pull us through, it's you. Everyone believes in you. The crew believes in you." He paused. "I believe in you."

He pulled her against his chest and cradled her.

"The Reapers are dragging you down and that's exactly what they want. Don't let yourself drown in despair. If hope is the only thing we have, then keep it."

The room was silent. All you could hear was the sound of Shepard's sniffles and Kaidan's deep breaths. Shepard broke the silence.

"I meant what I said last night."

She lifted her head up to look at him.

"I love you...and always have. But I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"Cerberus and the Reapers have tested my strength many times. Death, destruction, loss. Hell, I was dead for two years!"

"But you pulled through."

"Sure." Her voice started to sound sarcastic. "They can kill me anytime! But, it's what would hurt me the most that brings me fear...Kaidan, that day on Mars, I-" She stuttered. "I thought I had lost you and-"

She felt a shiver run down her spine. She imagined exactly what happened in her mind. The pain, the urgency, the hate, the guilt. She saw him laying in the hospital bed, bruised, and bandaged.

"He hurt you then. Why wouldn't he now? He knows that physical pain won't stop me. But you? I could hardly stand knowing you were injured because of me. But...what if next time, he hit harder? What if you couldn't heal? How would I react? What if-"

Kaidan hugged her tightly making her stop. She couldn't take it anymore. Just the thought was too much. She needed to live knowing that she would never lose him. But in order to do that, she knew she had to defeat the Reapers and Cerberus. _Why couldn't this all be over with?_

"Kaidan, I can't lose you." More tears fell down her cheeks. "There's nothing in the world that would hurt me more. I can never let go. I just- I can't- it's-"

Kaidan pulled her head and kissed her on the lips. He needed to shut her up somehow. Her mind was crowded with so much thought. She had always overlooked things so much, to a point where she couldn't focus on anything or there was just too much to focus on. All the thoughts would keep building up until finally she exploded and lost control of herself.

He pulled away but Shepard grabbed his neck, pulled his head forward, and kissed him again. She snuck her arms under his and touched his back. He tangled his hands in her long hair and finally let go. She pulled away.

"Sorry."

"No, you don't need to be sorry for anything. Come on. Let me make you breakfast."

"Ok."

"Ok?"

He kissed her again.

"Yeah. We should probably go...you know..."

"Yeah."

He stood up and walked around the bed to where Shepard was sitting. His hand beckoned for her.

"C'mon."

She reached for his hand and he jerked her to off the bed. She lost balance and tumbled onto him.

"Aww crap!"

He caught her and took a step back so he wouldn't fall.

"Gotchya."

"God, I'm clumsy."

He laughed as he helped her walk before she tripped on the sheet swirling around her body. She walked as though she was walking in a potato sack, stumbling right to left. She hopped into the closet. Kaidan put on his pants and walked into the bathroom. Shepard spoke as loud as she could.

"So, what should I wear?!"

"Clothes would be good. Or you know, you don't have to go that route either."

Shepard could hear the smirk in his response.

"Shut up!"

He laughed washing his face with warm water in the sink. Shepard was looking back and forth from the outfits hanging in her closet. She grabbed the N7 hoodie and put it over her underwear and zipped it up. Kaidan walked back into the bedroom and sat on the bed. He grabbed his shirt off the floor and started putting it on. Shepard walked in wearing only her hoodie.

"You know..."

She walked towards Kaidan and lifted his chin up with her right hand.

"You don't have to make breakfast...or put that back on."

"Shepard, are you ever satisfied?"

"Who said I wasn't? Maybe that's why I keep asking for more."

She winked at him.

"Uhuh." He grabbed her legs and pulled her closer towards him. She came too close and collapsed on top of him making him tumble back onto the bed. Shepard giggled.

"_God, I'm clumsy_." She smiled.

"Sure." He smiled back and kissed her. He pulled her body, along with his, back up to a sitting position. He buried his face into the temple of her head and into her hair. She started to pull off his shirt but was interrupted.

"Ah-ah-ah. Not so fast. You have to have your breakfast."

"But _food is overrated_."

"Whatever. C'mon!"

He pushed her body off of his so he could stand up. She jokingly glared at him. He just proceeded out the hallway shaking his head.

"C'mon!"

"I'm coming! God, Kaidan! You're so demanding!"

She started hysterically laughing and got up off the bed.

"Well if you didn't take forever to get out of bed..."

"Whatever."

By the time they both stopped jokingly bickering, Kaidan was downstairs pulling out pans and utensils. Shepard was jumping into her pants and putting on her shoes upstairs as she made her way to the staircase. She walked down.

"What are you making, Chef?"

He looked up and she winked at him.

"Well...there are more potatoes. Hashbrowns? Bacon? Eggs? Orange Juice?"

"Yumm."

"I'm guessing that's a yes then. Okay...let's get started."

He got out all the ingredients from the cabinets and fridge. All the ingredients were spread out on the island.

"Shepard, do you mind cutting the potatoes is fourths and shredding them?"

"Sure."

She got out the biggest knife in the drawer and started washing the potatoes. He started cooking the bacon in a skillet. Shepard was chopping the potatoes on the counter and kept looking up at Kaidan to make sure he wasn't burning anything. She lost track of her own task and the knife cut a gash across her left palm.

"Damn it!"

"Shepard!"

Shepard held her breath trying not to curse. Kaidan turned the heat off of the bacon. He ran over to her and lightly caressed her hand.

"Come in the bathroom."

He guided her over to the bathroom down the hallway and wrapped dampened tissue around her hand. He put a little pressure on her palm.

"Oooow."

He unraveled the tissue around her hand. There was a streak of blood across her palm.

"Damn, Shepard! Always finding a new way to get hurt, aren't you?"

"Not funny."

He brought out a small carton of alcohol.

"Oh no..."

"Sorry."

She held her breath as he started pouring the alcohol on her hand.

"Oww frickin-mmmmm."

"I know, I know."

He quickly padded her hand with a clean cloth to clean out the gash and applied a small amount of Medi-gel from the emergency dispenser on the wall.

"Better?"

"Truth or lie?"

"Ha. C'mon. Let me finish breakfast for you."

He grabbed her by the hand and waist to help her into the kitchen. As they were walking, she turned around and rested her hands on his chest. His hands automatically touched her hips. She lifted herself onto her tiptoes.

"Don't ever leave..." She whispered in his ear.

"Never." He kissed her and walked into the kitchen. She turned around and started walking into the dining area. She sat down.

"You think the Reapers might be on shore leave?"

"Ha. You wish."

"Well, they need their rest too, don't they?"

"Sure. Or maybe destroying the world is their shore leave."

He started shredding the potatoes into a skillet and scrambling the eggs.

"This bacon tastes amazing right now."

Shepard stuffed her mouth with two pieces of bacon. The cut burned her hand but she did her best to not think about it.

"Yeah it does."

Kaidan ate another piece.

"What time did we need to report back to the Normandy?"

"I don't usually keep track of the time here on the Citadel. I told them to be at the Normandy quote 'by the time it's dark outside.'"

Kaidan grabbed a napkin to wipe his face and laughed.

"Oh, Shepard. What would we do without you?"

"I don't know. What would you do?"

"We will never find out so why does it matter?"

"Then what happened those two years?!"

Shepard raised her voice when she said that. Kaidan should've known that she was going to mention that time again. He couldn't get her off that subject.

"I mean...what did you do? You didn't just sit there waiting for news, did you? You must've-"

"I grieved!"

The table went silent. Shepard stared at him. Kaidan took a deep breath hoping to calm himself down.

"I mourned your death, Shepard. What did you expect me to do? At times, I did just sit there and wait for news! After everything we had been through, I couldn't just walk away. I loved you. I missed you. And I didn't want to believe that I had lost you."

He cowered his head and started to lightly sniffle.

"Those two years-" He paused. "Those two years were hell. I waited for a message, a call, a knock on the damned door...but there was nothing."

Shepard rubbed his back with her hand.

"I'm sorry."

"There was nothing you could do."

"That's not completely true. I could've fought against Cerberus...verbally I mean. Once they rejected my request in contacting you, I didn't even bother fighting back afterwards. I should've called."

"Doesn't matter. Not anymore."

He stood up and grabbed both of their plates to put them in the sink and began rinsing them off. Shepard got up from the table using her right hand as support to grip onto her chair. Kaidan knew in his mind that Shepard would continue to let her curiosity of those two years erode her thoughts. He knew that he was wasting time tell her that it didn't matter but it was all he could do.

Shepard walked slowly across the kitchen towards the piano. She stroked the keys with her right hand and began playing a slow melody that was recognizable to Kaidan's ears. It was the melody of the song they had danced to the night before.

"Traumerei?"

He wiped his hands with a handtowel. Shepard didn't respond. She felt that whatever she would say would come out bitterly. He tried to change the subject.

"I didn't know you could play."

"I used to when I was growing up."

She continued to play, occasionally closing her eyes as if she were feeling the music.

"It's a beautiful song."

"It is."

"C'mon, Shepard. Why don't we go walk around the Strip a bit before we leave? Play you at a game of Shattered Eezo in the Castle Arcade."

She stopped playing at looked up at him.

"Oh yeah? I can beat your ass at that game any day!"

"Bring it on, Princess!"

"You did not just call me that."

Kaidan laughed and kissed her on the cheek.

"C'mon. Let's get out of this place."

BACK ON THE NORMANDY...

"Shepard."

"Liara."

"Enjoy your night off?"

"Yeah."

Shepard was carrying some of her clothes from the apartment including her shoes. Liara caught sight of the shoes and looked curiously at Shepard.

"Wear those last night?"

"Uh...yeah! Actually."

"Hmm."

Shepard started walking past Liara but was stopped by her voice.

"You're welcome."

11 DAYS LATER...

Shepard took off her hoodie to go into the shower. She looked in the mirror and felt a slight pain in her abdomen. She put her hand to her stomach and started to shiver.

[TO BE CONTINUED IN NEXT FANFIC...]

What's up readers! Thank you for reading my first fanfic. My goal with this fanfic was to just introduce my FemShep and her personality. Everyone has a different Shepard so I figured that I would share mine with all of you.

A lot of inspiration came from the music I would listen to while writing this fanfic including: Blind Pilot, City and Colour, Evanescence, Coldplay, and also even Florence & the Machine. A diverse bunch but hey, their music inspired me. I wanted to also give much credit to Sam Hulick. One of his favorite songs was Traumerei by Robert Schumann and ever since I listened to it for the first time, I was addicted. It's such a beautiful song.

I really wanted to focus on the romantic and sensitive part of my FemShep's relationship with Kaidan. I wanted to show how it wasn't just "hey we're in love, let's make-out" sort of relationship but something a lot more than that. Having her hair down was, in a way, symbolic to her showing a new side of herself and being more open.

I am open to feedback whether positive or negative so please leave comments or reviews if you would like to! A writer is always in need of some sort of improvement :)

I really hope that you enjoyed reading. Sorry for the excessive use of the words 'her' and 'he' throughout. It was a little difficult not using those words. Forgive me.

The ending of this fanfic will tie into my next planned fanfic. Let's just call it a teaser for now ;)

Thank you again for reading and you will definitely be seeing more fanfics popping up soon!


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